River Thurston and Jill Clark tear it up at the “Don't Run With Scissors!” 5K

In the 1930s, alternative universes were only fashionable in science fiction pulps. Now they're quite mainstream. In some alternative universe, there is an advertising council run by mothers that sponsors a series of athletic events. There's the Wash Behind Your Ears 5K, the Eat Your Vegetables Marathon, the Don't Go Out Without A Jacket Cross-Country Race, and the Wait At Least 45 Minutes Before Going Into The Water Triathlon. We don't live in that universe, but somehow the Don't Run With Scissors 5K leaked into our own timeline, where it has been held annually in Valdosta, Georgia since 2011.


The latest edition of the race was run at Pine Grove Middle School on Saturday morning, 18 March 2023. Pine Grove sixth-grader River Thurston won the five-kilometer race by more than a kilometer, covering the 3.1 miles in 20:07. Jill Clark of Hiram, Georgia was the first woman across the finish line, placing third overall in 24:38.


Just ahead of Clark at 24:36, ten-year-old Dominic Johnson of Valdosta took the runner-up spot. Collin Rackley, a thirteen-year-old from Hahira, Georgia, was the third male finisher and fourth overall in 26:06. Valdosta's Reyman Linares was the first master runner in the race, the tenth male finisher and fifteenth overall in 28:24.


Hensley Wall, a Valdosta ten-year-old, took second in the women's standings with a 26:55, good for eighth overall. Another ten-year-old, Valdosta's Bailey Hamilton, was the third female finisher and tenth overall in 27:22. A week earlier, Wall and Hamilton had been second and third in the women's division of Valdosta's 2023 Azalea Festival 5K, but in that race Hamilton had come out ahead.


Wendy Carraway of Valdosta was the first woman master and the seventh female finisher in the 5K, placing 23rd overall in 32:04.


64 athletes finished the 2023 "Don't Run With Scissors!" 5K. The race is an annual fundraiser for the art department of Sallas Malone Elementary School. A Course/Line, LLC, of Valdosta timed the race and provided finish line services.


Top Ten Men, 2023 Don't Run With Scissors 5K

1. 20:06.8, River Thurston (M, 13) Valdosta, GA
2. 24:35.9, Dominic Johnson (M, 10) Valdosta, GA
3. 26:05.6, Collin Rackley (M, 13) Hahira, GA
4. 26:06.8, Giovanni Johnson (M, 10) Valdosta, GA
5. 26:07.2, Hudson Peck (M, 10) Valdosta, GA
6. 26:37.1, Holder Hendricks (M, 30) Valdosta, GA
7. 27:04.6, Aaron Linares (M, 12) Valdosta, GA
8. 28:12.6, Zechariah Clark (M, 13) Valdosta, GA
9. 28:13.1, Randy Smith (M, 35) Nashville, GA
10. 28:23.5, Reyman Linares (M, 40) Valdosta, GA

Top Ten Women, 2023 Don't Run With Scissors 5K

1. 24:37.8, Jill Clark (F, 38) Hiram, GA
2. 26:54.6, Hensley Wall (F, 10) Valdosta, GA
3. 27:21.1, Bailey Hamilton (F, 10) Valdosta, GA
4. 27:25.5, Jamie Brown (F, 39) Valdosta, GA
5. 28:10.7, Zeigler (F, 10) Valdosta, GA
6. 29:47.6, Sarah Gatz (F, ) Hahira, GA
7. 32:03.7, Wendy Carraway (F, 54) Valdosta, GA
8. 32:34.1, Elizabeth Stalvey (F, 12) Valdosta, GA
9. 33:07.7, Jessica Lewis (F, 37) Valdosta, GA
10. 33:12.0, Elizabeth Moore (F, 38) Valdosta, GA

Don't Run With Scissors 5K champions, 2010 - 2023
Date	Men	Women	Finishers
20 March 2010	17:33, Scott Gardner	20:56, Ashley Powell	247
12 March 2011	18:03, Masked Avenger	23:23, Angel Godwin	250
17 March 2012	18:29, Ryan Kelly	21:24, Alice Smoot	285
16 March 2013	18:09, Ryan Kelly	22:19, Kelsey Morse	279
15 March 2014	19:00, David Burnett	21:36, Makenzee Page	235
14 February 2015	18:24, Ryan Kelly	21:10, Sandra Griffin	219
19 March 2016	18:23, Ryan Kelly	21:48, Alice Smoot	139
18 March 2017	19:31, Dan Butzin	21:39, Elizabeth Smith	136
17 March 2018	18:07, Justin Tracy	21:46, Elizabeth Smith	195
16 March 2019	17:36, Justin Tracy	22:47, Katelyn Lancaster	183
21 March 2020	Canceled, pandemic shutdown
13 March 2021	Virtual event
19 March 2022	Canceled due to lightning
17 March 2023	20:07, River Thurston	24:38, Jill Clark	64

Links

• Complete results of the 2023 Don't Run With Scissors 5K
  https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vSNcSNJ-c78Co83sNkxzSgIfH3VGfdgb4rr1ChW-YdGKSyYH1b4bl5eXtUUqwAz62dLpM9tWNhVpBNO/pubhtml
  
  
• 2019 story, “Justin Tracy and Katelyn Lancaster cut to the chase at the "Don't Run With Scissors!" 5K”
  https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/2019/03/scissors-2019.html
  
  
• 2018 story, “Tracy and Smith were a cut above the rest at the "Don't Run With Scissors!" 5K”
  https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/2018/03/scissors-2018.html
  
  
• 2017 story, “Butzin and Smith spare the scissors but not the speed”
  https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/2017/03/scissors-2017.html
  
  
• 2016 story, “With scissors or without, Kelly and Smoot keep running”
  https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/2016/03/scissors-2016.html
  
  
• 2015 story, “Kelly and Griffin Don't Run With Scissors; they just run fast”
  https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/2015/02/scissors-2015.html
  
  
• 2013 story, “Kelly and Morse flout safety for speed at Scissors 5K”
  https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/2013/03/kelly-and-morse-flaunt-safety-for-speed.html
  
  
• 2011 story, “Cut and Run--Avenger and Godwin win the 'Scissors' 5K”
  https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/2011/03/scissors-2011.html
  
  
• Choose your next race in the region from the listings on the Trouble Afoot! calendar
  https://troubleafoot.blogspot.com/search/label/calendar?max-results=1
  
  

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